Photo – Outsider art IV by CarlyLou
[unrelated to text – I just like to add pictures to my posts 🙂 ]
UNKNOWN TRUTHS – the inevitable’however’
I hate the feeling of being controlled. With a passion, I hate it. Who are you to meddle with my life? Who the hell are you?
I wish to be free. To live without constraint. I wish to sing and to dance and to fly with the sky.
So here comes the inevitable ‘however’. The ‘however’ which breaks my heart and destroys my dreams. I’m so extraordinarily bored of this ‘however’. I’m tired of it, I’m disappointed with it, and I dislike it.
Because this ‘however’ is unavoidable. No matter where I run, it follows. And this ‘however’ is a controlling little devil. To resist it is to die – an alternative, at times, most tempting. But that would not do either. No, that would not be the escape I truly long for.
To be free is all I wish for. A life without control.
My life does not exist in these terms. Nor can it. Nor can anyone’s I don’t think. And as such, there are changes needed – behaviours I need to implement into my life, and others I need to banish. To stop the falling.
These behaviours would impose control over my life. They’ll stop the self-destruction yes, but I’ll always feel restrained. And this is why I resist them.
But, CarlyLou, it is you who will be doing the controlling. Your own puppet strings will be in your hands. And although that’s not perhaps the absolute freedom you crave, it’s about as good as you’re ever going to get. So suck it up.